True Lies

July 3, 2008 at 6:03 pm 3 comments

Sometimes I feel, living in the US as I do, I am very lucky and MUCH better off than my contemporaries in India, who are regularly subjected to Kaanda-Pohe sessions by their poor, hassled parents.

For those who’ve never lived in Maharashtra, Kanda pohe are a kind of fried rice flake dish (aval upma for the tams reading this) flavoured with lots of onions.

A kaanda-pohe session is the equivalent of that ubiquitous scene in a number of 80sand 90s Hindi films where a girl’s brother is sent out to the halwai round the corner to buy kachoris and jalebis. When he returns he has to enter ignominiously through the kitchen window so his sister can bring out a tray of the fried goodies to serve to a prospective groom and his folks, and so that the parents can pretend their daughter made them and extol her many accomplishments in the kitchen department.

But because there are a LOT of hassled parents out there, this thing is commonplace. This is not seen as being duplicitous in any measure. It’s their way of doing the best they can by their foolish, useless children who couldn’t be normal and hook up with someone in college! Here are some of the other ‘true lies’ told in the hope of an early alliance:

Aamch mulga ameriket bara lakh rupay per annum kamavto

(Our son makes Rs 12,00,000 pa in the US- because Rs 12,00,000 sounds so much better than $30,000)

Our son has very clean habits.

(He ALWAYS showers the day after a drunken orgy and occasionally does the laundry on a weekly basis instead of fortnightly)

Our son is spiritual, not religious.

(His mother has been from temple to temple to pray that if and when he does get married, he will not stand up in the middle of his vedic wedding ceremony, declare that the havan kund is a disaster waiting to happen, take the bewildered bride by the hand and go off to the nearest registrar’s office to be married ‘spiritually’)

Our daughter is very adjusting

(She will take the Bud Light if you don’t have Corona)

Our daughter is very soft-spoken

(Ever since she lost her voice screaming at that heavy-metal concert)

I shudder to think what would happen if all these parents decide to go into real estate or used car sales!


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Fanny Pack-itis There is hope yet!

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dinesh Babu  |  July 9, 2008 at 12:29 am

    I thought spiritual will mean “Spirit” ual !

  • 2. unwedintheusa  |  July 9, 2008 at 3:53 am

    That most men are anyway, no? 😉

  • 3. Dinesh Babu  |  July 10, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    yes Most men probably are.


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