The OTHER men

July 17, 2008 at 10:00 pm 5 comments

I have a theory. Part of the reason a lot of us totally awesome women are still single is, the other men in our lives.

There are various ways in which pre-existing, non-romantic relationships with members of the male persuasion can thwart our matrimonial (or even just dating) ambitions.

First let’s examine the different not-romantic relationships we have with men.

Men in our lives are- our dads, our brothers, our guy friends, our ex-boyfriends [whom you regret dating to the extent that if given a choice between an amputation and dating them, knowing what you now know about them, you would pick the amputation], bosses, subordinates, sales guys at shoe stores, pizza/ Chinese food delivery guys, and please, don’t tell me you “don’t have a relationship with” the last two, because that would just be a big fat lie.

Each of them has either behaved atrociously and damaged our psyche in some slight way, turning us off men almost entirely, OR has created in our minds a 100-foot cutout of what we think our man should be, by being super-great himself.

Our dads fall into the latter category. Having raised us, read to us, taught us to write, cleaned our scraped knees, made our models for school, taught us to ride bikes and play cricket, and in my case, to cook, dads are usually the first male role models we have. For the longest time, we measure every single guy we meet against their almost unattainably high standards of being a man. But then some of us are rebellious, and choose to go out with someone antithetical to our dads, and very soon we realize what a foolish mistake we’ve made.

Our brothers are, 99% of the time, self-appointed guardians of our honour/ morality police putting Taliban to shame. Need someone to glare at the cute guy next door? Call your brother. Bench-mate from accounting class about to ask you out? No, no, no, my dear. Brother already knows about it, and has challenged said bench-mate to a duel unto death. Friend of a friend even remotely interested in getting your number? Brother dearest has cut all the telephone lines in his locality. Oh brother!

Our guy friends also fall into 3 sub-categories. One, the totally wonderful ones, who have all your dad’s great qualities and none of his idiosyncracies, on whom you crushed for, like, EVER, but who have girlfriends (whom also you unfortunately happen to like) OR the really funny/ fun bad guys who admit they’re hound dogs. They don’t respect women in general, but think the sun shines out your behind. They’re crushing on you for like EVER, but you would never give them the time of the day. The 3rd kind are your ‘brothers-from-another-mother’. They are simpatico but don’t want you to do anything stupid. You would do well to listen to them, because sometimes they come up with gems like “see…like how a peNNin manadhai oru peNN dhaan arivaaLo…ade maadri oru aaNin yeNNathai oru aaN daan arivaan”; loosely translated-“just as only a woman knows the pain/ feelings of a woman… only a man knows another man’s (Bad) intentions [presumably with regard to me.] This one I got from my friend Anand Subramaniam of New Jersey whom I find to be well up on his platitudes (and impatiently awaiting my next post!) He said this when I told him I was going on a date with a guy who was in town for a conference. Anand seemed to think the conference was bunkum. He said “avan figure-a correct panna varan“; loosely translated- he’s coming to patao me.

The less said about the exes the better. Some have been known to disgust their ex-girlfriends so much, the poor women have changed sexual orientation!

Question is, inundated as we are, with advice from or the example of these upstanding gentlemen, or, alternatively, disgusted as we are by the sorry figure some of them cut… what are our chances of ever being normal and objectively judging a guy who’s interested in us? I’d say NIL.

But you know what? I don’t mind. Because the good guys’ goodness teaches me what I should look for and what I deserve, and the bad guys’ badness tells me what to avoid like the plague. It’s only a matter of time before my superior sifting skills have found me the man of my dreams. 😀


Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: , , .

An ode to Girl Friends One tight one

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Anand  |  July 17, 2008 at 10:15 pm the Anand subramanian…Thank you Thank you…

    aana ipdi brother nu solli maanatha vaangama irundhurkalam….:D

  • 2. harmaan  |  August 27, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    well, well, well…flirty at thirty? dirty at thirty?
    either way, loved it. ramya directed me to your blog.
    i’m at
    pop by.

  • 3. some other girl  |  January 2, 2011 at 12:16 am

    Are you happily married now?

    • 4. unwedintheusa  |  January 4, 2011 at 4:38 am

      Hi sister-empathy. I think you’ll be glad to hear that I am indeed. I am planning to start a new blog called ‘happilywedbutconfusedintheUK’. Marriage is fun and exciting (at least mine has been so far- a year on) but it is utterly bewildering at times.
      If you’re looking to go from ‘single’ to ‘couple’ anytime soon, here’s wishing you the best in that endeavour, and may you find it infinitely less confounding.


  • 5. some other girl  |  February 3, 2011 at 4:13 am

    Do start that blog! i want to know EVERYTHING.
    Wishing you a lifetime of happiness!
    and thanks!


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